New Years Resolutions

Here I am, sitting. I’m actually supposed to be studying for a chemistry midterm tomorrow, but hey guess what I’ve learned? I’ve learned how to procrastinate and then fail the class that I have to pass to stay in school. I guess I’ll keep this brief then. I noticed that my past posts have mainly been reviews or just a couple of things I noticed, not a whole lot of chatter about me and my problems (of which I have many). Either way, I thought I’d make this post more of a journal-type post. It’ll be a little out of the ordinary, but hey, what is one post out of many right? I’ll definitely be back in the loop with my next series of posts, so don’t worry! If you don’t know, I’m a first generation Asian-American and I do observe the traditions set forth by my ancestors regarding the Lunar New Year. I believe that it’s important to know where you come from and where you are going. Even if you can’t observe every aspect of the traditions and beliefs, it’s important that you know them and recognize that they exist. I don’t know anyone else’s opinion on this issue, but that’s mine. I neglected to make New Year’s resolutions this year, so I’m going to do them now while the season of celebration of Lunar New Year is still in the air. We observe a very long New Year, so I still have time. As I am typing this, I’m thinking of things that I want to do or need to do. Some things I want to do purely so I can try it and have the experience. Others I want to do because that is what I think is right. Still others I am going to try to do because I don’t know what else to do.
Let’s begin with the resolutions then shall we? These are going to be pretty general, since I’m actually slowly fading away here; as in falling asleep. I want to lose weight and keep myself in check with exercise. I also want to go skydiving and visit Hawaii. I’ve heard that Hawaii is a really nice place, but I’ve never been there. I want to take my family there and just check it out. It might be nice to have a change in scenery every once in a while. Ah, and when it comes to family, I don’t want to leave them out of the picture. I love my family. I don’t just say this because I can, but because I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I’m around family. It makes me happy. Same goes for friends. It’s great to have friends you know you can rely on to talk with, chat with, hang out with, eat with, sleep with (not in that sense), and just plain old do whatever with. True friends have your back and I promise that I’ll have theirs. They have my word and I try very very hard to be a man of my word. Yea sure thing, sometimes I’m late, but please excuse me. Next thing is education. I want to finish college, not just get through it now. I’ve raised the bars for myself. I have always thought of education as a place to learn and absorb, not just to get the grades, but to see new ways of looking at things. I see that now and for some reason I haven’t seen education this way since I was a kid. Now I see. It’s like a path that has been long forgotten and covered with weeds. I’ve just cleared it, with a mower. I’m coming Davis, and you better watch out. It’s something I want to do. I have a passion for animals and the environment and hell if anyone is going to stand in my way. If I fail I’m gonna try again. If I fail again, hey I’ll just pick myself up and try one more time. If that fails, we’ll just repeat from the beginning and again and again it’ll go. I want to be able to make a difference. After all, if you’re just another person who doesn’t want to help make a difference, what good will that do? I’ve done a lot of thinking the last couple of weeks and so far that’s what I’ve come up with. The most important things in my life beyond anything. Try and tempt me, but try as you may, I’m still going to have these resolutions. Family, friends, education. Those are the three things that mean a whole bunch to me. What else? Country. I guess I would call myself as a little bit of a patriot. I don’t tear up every time I see the flag or a symbol of our great country, but I do deeply respect the flag and the symbols of our society. It’s important to me and it’s the only country I’ve really ever know. The vast diversity of people in America amazes me and I’m always meeting new people and being introduced to new cultures. I guess I really am willing to sacrifice for my country. If no man stands up for their country, then who will? I will stand up with whoever will. That is a promise. Like I’ve said before, I keep my promises. Last but not least, I want to forget the pain of losing a loved one. After losing my grandmother way back when, I was shattered. I’m still not completely over it, but I’ve learned to deal with it. It’s something I want to remember. I fell in love for the first time in high school, roughly 2 years ago. It was everything that I never knew but got to know and now it’s everything that I wish I’d never known. It seemed like only days before it came to a close. One chapter of my life, oh and not to mention the only chapter of my love life. Of course there were good times, but when it all comes down to being alone I don’t care. It’s something that I’ve learned to deal with. Needing someone never was my strong suite and I’d rather not get into it. I know I tend to be clingy. That’s just how I roll. However, I just put that clinginess behind me. It’s time to move on. I won’t ever know love like I knew it then and I know it will never be the same, but I don’t want anything to do with girls at this point in time. They don’t scare me, they don’t intimidate me, frankly I don’t know what to think. I opened myself up that one time and it’s the last I will ever open up for anyone. I’m closed. Just like a chapter of my life has closed I have purposefully closed myself. I swear I will never open it up again. And on that note, I end this blog post; maybe with something that will always color my heart. She is beautiful, no one can take her place, and no one shall. I hope she does well; I really do. Whether she sees it that way or not; I will always see her as my friend. I’ll always be there if she needs a hand or someone to talk to because a little more of me would die if anything happened. I can’t fight it any longer. The day she left my world stopped turning; but I still live on, in an un-turning world. Oh enough! I think I was high while I posted this blog post; please disregard. That all flowed in one single sitting from heart to hands to keyboard. THE END